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Finding love as we know it changed forever with the internet. Long gone are the days of sauntering up to someone in a bar and asking them out. As I keep getting told by my friends, you can’t just go up to a guy at a bar and say hi, no one does that anymore. Everyone is meeting everyone online. Online dating is the most popular way couples are meeting today and it’s not surprising, giving the ease and convenience all at the touch of a smartphone.

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One of the perks of the digital age is the potential to gain absolute knowledge of another person. Before the dawn of the internet, our knowledge of someone was extremely limited. We had to seek out family and friends to gain insight into who they were. However today, if the person in question has an online presence, we can find out everything about them. Although this can lead to fake profiles, on some dating apps, such as Tinder, you can easily verify their authenticity via their Instagram or Facebook handles. It is a difficult tightrope to walk across, as you can learn almost everything there is to know about them, before you even meet. Thus, taking away the initial fun and spontaneity of getting to know each other – those early, heady days of love, and who is to say that what they are putting out online is even truthful. It could all be lies.

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This person could be putting out to the world a sparkly, holographic version of who they wished they were. I have heard online dating horror stories including one where a friend thought she had met the love of her life, a forty-year old architect from Sydney. They had been speaking for weeks online, until he finally asked her out for a drink. She arrived first and waited for a couple of minutes, only to find a man in his late sixties approaching her. This man soon confessed he had used his son’s picture and identity to woo women online as he was convinced no one would accept him as he was. This so-called “cat-fishing” is rife in the world of online dating.

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In many ways we are so connected, so accessible to each other online and yet also incredibly disconnected and this doesn’t make our love life any easier. How we communicate online varies greatly to how we communicate in person, and these online exchanges do not necessarily translate into in-person conversations. Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Guardian Soulmates and Hinge all allow for either a male or female to make the first move, whereas Bumble allows for the woman to start the conversation, but regardless, there are no guarantees of a reply. Many of my single girlfriends tell me irrespective of who bites the bullet first, after a couple of brief exchanges, guys often lose interest and disappear. This leads to their paramours wondering if they were ever real to begin with, only mere ghosts that they had dreamt up. For those that find confrontation difficult, “ghosting” or communicating their feelings online is easier instead of a face to face breakup.

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What leads to this “ghosting”? This disappearance of someone you thought enjoyed talking to you. Choice adds to the complications of online dating. There is more choice than ever before. Not only are people meeting each other online, but they are meeting people on multiple apps. Current dating technology enables us to find “the one”, “our soulmate” and so we become more and more focused on eliminating those that do not meet our criteria. So, although our horizons have significantly widened thanks to online dating, we are less likely to emotionally invest in anyone we deem unworthy. Many use their initial “matches” similar to that of practice runs, to test the waters as they continue to swipe and seek their elusive other half. Perhaps there is also a disconnect between users regarding what they are actually looking for.

Many of the dating sites ask the user to Queensland what they want, be it fun, casual or a life partner. This leads to some confusion as to how truthful one should be. Girlfriends have Queenslandd to me that they want a boyfriend and yet are terrified to admit that online, thinking this would put off potential suitors. Sites such as Tinder, are renowned for being more of a “hook-up”, casual site, although I know of some couples that have since married after meeting on Tinder. The digital dating landscape is tricky to navigate, how do we form lasting relationships in a world of so much choice and comparison. Some friends say it lies in how long your messages are and how long you message for. If you write pages upon pages too soon in the conversation, you risk losing the attention of your special someone and if you just message without actually meeting them in person, you run the risk of never meeting them in real life. Before the advent of online technology, our options were far more limited to what stood directly in front of us and yet in a way we were forced to be to be more honest in what we were looking for, but did the level of conversation and engagement lead to a more lasting exchange? Of course, this all depends on the individuals involved. It is difficult to imagine now, what the dating world would be without the internet.

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Would we still be trying to build up the courage to approach someone in a bar, or deciding what to wear to yet another blind date? Would we have found our soulmate? It is difficult to know. Perhaps you will meet the love of your life on Tinder, or Plenty of Fish but for those of us still struggling, if we take online dating solely for what it genuinely is, a convenient way of meeting people. You can enjoy this easy kind of love, if only just for the night.

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Deb, 48

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