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My dating game started in the year 2000. Well, coming from south Asia, the “dating game” was more of a “your parents will find you a suitable boy”. Yes, the traditional marriage proposal. There were a few methods of how it worked. Through a marriage broker, whom your parents would get in touch with, share our [meaning my and mostly my family’s ] details with him/her, give out one of my best [as per my parents' opinion] photograph to be shown around to prospective “clients” of this broker. So in turn the broker would find a good match according to the broker’s and my parent’s view, for me. At this point, none of the people involved in the whole process of finding this “good match” is concerned about what ‘I’ the person who is actually “getting married” wants or interested in. It’s all about the family and what is good for the family.

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Then there’s method two. Newspaper classified advertisements. The parents in a short paragraph, depending on the number of words allowed in the ad, describe you and the family and what is expected of the partner and his family in an ad in the most read newspaper in the country. Hoping on the other end there would be a parent of an eligible bachelor who finds it suitable for them and reply. The replies were collected by the newspaper and was sent to us in bundles. To have the mailman deliver you a bundle of letters made you feel like a star. But the disappointment came when you opened them as they were responses to your ad, most of the time counter praising the responders family and how great their son is and how lucky should any woman be to marry him. Photographs were attached to some of them. The most important of all attachments were the horoscope. This had to match even if the couple didn’t.

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There were other methods of meeting the one like matchmaking family, friends, and relatives. This was a little bit more exhausting and frustrating and embarrassing than one would think. Because it’s as if a person simply could not be single and therefore others must hitch them up somehow. Therefore wherever you go either a family member or a friend or a relative would try to match you up with some eligible bachelor they come across. Most often these people are random strangers that you just met! One example; my sister was in labor and for her C-section comes to a pretty boy bachelor doctor anesthetist. Here she is in pain about to give birth, just been anesthetized, and about to pass out and what does she ask? “Doctor are you married? I have a single sister”.

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I was never ashamed of being single. And many like me, aren’t. I had a busy life with a full-time job, part-time studies, and 2 dogs to take care of. But mostly, why I couldn’t find someone was because my lifestyle, views, and opinions were not what was expected of me and I didn’t live in a society that accepted them. This is where the online world came to my rescue. Literally, now I could actually search the entire world to find my suitable match. My choices weren’t limited anymore. Although many saw me as abnormal for not finding someone, I knew I wasn’t. I’m sure many feel this way. Online dating was nonjudgmental, respected my privacy, and didn’t cause me any humiliation. I added my information, interests, and a photograph, and the site did the matchmaking for me. Was hassle-free. I found people I am compatible with. That was an utter relief. The worst thing about being single is to not find someone with common grounds. It’s a very frustrating place to be.

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Is it the new norm? Well, what is the new norm anyway? Bars, pubs, restaurants, etc. are closed. Social meetings are restricted. People gatherings are limited. Faces covered. The New Norm clearly has dropped the bomb on physical dating, hasn’t it?  Are we not a little concerned to meet new people now? Even if we did meet them at the park, what kind of a romantic conversation can we spark up one meter apart?

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There are weirdos and the unwanted ones on these sites simply because it’s easy. But aren’t the unwanted ones in the real world too? At least now you can chat up with them online and figure out they are not for you and move on. Whereas in the old days you would have gone to meet them and even put your life in danger in finding out. We want our lives to be easy and uncomplicated. Dating sites now on apps on your mobile makes finding Mr. Right a wag of a finger.

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Your job application is via email, your interview is on Zoom, You work from home. That is our new norm. So why not our relationships? If the person is right for you whether you met them online or offline, it shouldn’t matter should it? The dating site is just the mediator. The marriage broker in a digital format. What’s meant to happen will happen.

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To end my story of finding love, I did the whole online marriage proposal classifieds, matrimonial.com, the dating site profile, and the mobile dating app. Swiped left right and centre. Went on horrible dates to a point I didn’t even want to find a partner anymore. But, finally, in 2020, it was the same dating app that found me, Mr. Right. The two of us born and bred 5000 miles apart, never to have known each other’s existence if not for the internet. Married within one year of getting to know one another and here I am, shifting my entire life in a new land, starting a new life with a great man. That, to me, is happily ever after.

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My housemate is in the kitchen, singing to his heart's content whilst his girlfriend showers in our only bathroom in the flat. She is taking her sweet bloody time and I’m late for work. With no time for this over-the-top romance bullshit, I dash out the door with a bottle of Dove and hope for a sporadic rain spell. He met her on Hinge, the new popular dating app for people that like to pretend they are better than they are. Unlike Tinder, Hinge is supposedly the dating app for people deadly serious about dating. No more of the hook-up culture nonsense. It is for the people in their mid-twenties who are sick of the one-night stands and just want someone to buy houseplants with. And I was there for his ‘match’ with her – I saw it all behind a digital screen, scrutinising her prompts (her answers to questions like, “most likely to find me…”, shit like that) taking in her features and somehow trying to figure out, in the one profile shot we had of her, whether or not he was compatible with a stranger.  We knew nothing about this girl, other than her height and, of course, her relationship status  (you would hope). The rest was unknown, but behind a couple of glasses of wine we felt like we could predict her whole life story, the things she’d say, the shops she shopped at, her search history, all because of 5 images – we felt they could represent a whole person.

And then it came to his profile, which, to be honest, did not look fuck-all like him. It’s a known thing amongst online daters that for a man, you add two ‘points’ to their fuckability scale,  and for women, you’ll minus two.